When it Rains.

A great grey oppression filled the sky, the bellies of clouds flung low around the world of my eye. Sometimes misty, sometimes heavy, I don't know what they're going to do or what it is that they want. Do they want to rain? Do I want them to? I don't know, I only know that the world feels cool when it rains, and the oppression of the air is broken for a few minutes by millions of droplets on a mission to die, to take their sweet lightness and splash upon the paving and spray out wide, in a little circle that's too fast to see.

I want to dance in the rain, like a child with a grin, I want to splash about and sing my praises of nothing in particular and everything. I want my voice to soar up to the sky and be heard by the rain God sitting in his cloud even though he doesn't exist, in the mind's eye he is real and that is enough for my child in the rain. Sometimes it hurts when the droplets hit too hard and you are unprotected, your naked face faces the storm, your delicate skin pitched against the thunder and the drops that sting it through and through when you have nowhere to turn on the journey, and must carry on until you find your shelter. You go and go and worse and worse it gets till your spirit is weak and friends are just a memory, a sunshine from long ago that's all but gone. The warmth on your back on a distant day, that you hope for again in the future.

But sometimes I hate the sun that is too strong for me. Its light and heat they make me small, make me shrink inside my body. I used to embrace the sun, I once felt like its child. Now I find it hard to bear like an X-ray into my soul, now a hot day burns my skin in the chemical haze of a smoggy city, and it feels like I don't belong, like even the air doesn't want me there. The sun that works the smog into a frenzy and the rain that kills it all back to the beginning. This isn't how it always was, but it's the way it looks to me now. The rain is my baptism cleaning my soul, and one day I hope I will feel young again so that I can enjoy the sun like an innocent man, and be free.

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